I never thought I’d help my mother ask out my best friend, but thanks to Tomodachi Collection, I did.
It all started just a couple days after I bought Tomodachi Collection for DS. If you’ve listened to Snatchcast 036, you’ve heard me talk about Tomodachi Collection and its similarities to Animal Crossing on Gamecube. What’s new to Tomodachi Collection is the romance stuff. People can start dating, break up, get married, and divorce. That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s a probably when say your best friend and mother like each other, or your real-life girlfriend wants to knock boots with your buddy back home. Then it’s a fucking nightmare. I just deleted the friend who was in love with my girlfriend. Took care of that one. But what am I gonna do about Alex and my mother? Alex is my Pixelsnatch brother and my mother’s my mother. I can’t really delete either of them. Alex asked me three times if I’d help him ask out my mother. And three times I told him no, because she was already with someone. The problem is that the game doesn’t know this. There’s no way to tell the game that Louise Pittman and Benny Pittman are married in real life. They just live in adjacent apartments in the building. And each time I told Alex that he couldn’t date my mother, he’d fall into a state of deep depression that could only be rectified by buying him sashimi and giving him a bath. But three time this happened. The store was running out of fish to feed him, and frankly the public bath people didn’t want him coming ‘round anymore. So I went into the editing options and altered my mother’s personality. I hoped that if I changed her personality stats that maybe Alex wouldn’t like her.
Things were okay for the first day, but now my mother was the one interested in Alex. I promptly told her that she couldn’t date him, and went so far as to dress up Alex in a Sailor Moon costume to convince her that he was actually gay and didn’t like women. After she was depressed, I bought her some ice cream and paid for a vacation to Kyoto to brighten her spirits. For the next two days, all was well on Heiwa Island. No one was trying to fuck each other. Alex seemed content to wear his Sailor Moon outfit and play Wii with my handicapped Aunt Cathy. But one morning, I fired up Tomodachi Collection, and there was a little heart on my mother’s window. She was in love with Alex again. I decided to let nature take its course, and I agreed to help her get her man. She asked how she should approach Alex. I told her to approach him romantically in the park. She asked me to pick out a dress for her to wear. She went to the park and waited under a tree. I could see how nervous she was. She was bouncing up and down in anticipation of Alex. When Alex appeared she dropped to one knee and declared her love for Alex, who was still in his Sailor Moon outfit.
And he said, “I’m sorry.”
Bastard turned her down. I told him three times that he couldn’t date my mother, but when that poor woman worked up enough courage to ask him out, he had the nerve to break her poor 55 year old heart. I don’t know how much more it can take. I mean, it’s 55 years old.
So I haven’t seen love succeed yet in Tomodachi Collection. But I’m sure it’ll work out soon enough. My dad has been spending an awful lot of time with my cousin Cassie lately.